Seasons

I am in a season of strangeness…somewhere in between where I am not quite sure what is going on or how I feel, but I know that God is working and the moment He chooses to reveal the mystery I will be here, waiting.

There have been some unexpected things that I didn’t see coming…hurtful words, omissions that I have had to fight tooth and nail to fend off the offense that wells up in my heart.  I want so much to entertain the hurt, to cozy up to it, to hang out with it and make it my best friend, to wallow in it…but that is not who God has grown me up to be.  If I want to go forward and deeper with Him, I cannot walk backwards.

I am also living in the land of the unknown….and the scope of that keeps growing.  Pretty much all of you know that my son Tyler is now in the Marine Corps and he is about to start the school portion of his training.  For over a year we thought that he would be in Pensacola for that, but literally at the last moment, he was assigned to a school that is located in North Carolina….AND the school that we thought was going to be a year is now only 12 weeks.  He was able to bypass all the preliminary portions of school that we all expected in Pensacola that would determine what aircraft he would be assigned to.  He has been assigned to an aircraft and will be starting school for that in April.  Needless to say, I am learning that there are LOTS of unknowns.

There other unknown is Brad’s work.  He has started working out of town and there is no set schedule to it.  It’s not a job where he works 3 weeks on and has a week off.  He just works until they are done or are waiting for another delivery truck or things like that.  Please hear me…I am NOT complaining at all.  I am so grateful that he has work in this rough economy.  I am just finding that I don’t like the “not knowing”.  I don’t know when I will see him, I don’t know when I will see Tyler and I just get so tired of telling my friends I don’t know.

Even though it isn’t very long, this post has taken me several days to write.  When I started it, I was just feeling really alone but now I am feeling God working…I am just not to the end of this learning stage yet.  I just want to get to the other side of it, having learned everything I am supposed to learn, so that I don’t keep going around the same tree over and over again.  I want those days to be over.  I want seasons to be seasons one after the other, not repeat winter after winter after winter.  Until next time…

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