I have a problem. I expect. This may not sound that bad, but when there are 20 years of “expecting” piled onto one person or relationship, the effects can be suffocating. I am learning this. The hard way. I desire Biblical things…relationships, attitudes, things of that nature. I think this is a great thing. Where I go wrong is in the expectation.
When I was growing up, I watched a particular relationship in my life….and my perception as I grew up and got older was that they both expected things of each other but had difficulty looking at themselves. They always wanted the other to think differently, act differently, love differently. In expecting all of these things, they suffocated one another and didn’t see it until it was too late. This is what I saw from the outside.
But here I am….the same girl. A product of the same choices. I “expect”. And in expecting, I suffocate.
Everyone makes their own choices. I know this. I’m not trying to take responsibility for other peoples choices. I’m just trying to grab onto what God is showing me and be what I expect in others. I am trying to change the expectation of others into a mandate for myself. I want to think differently, act differently, love differently. I want to serve with a joyful heart and love without expectation. I just want to be what I expect. I want to take the pressure off of my relationships. I want simple, kind, giving, tender love to flow out of me into those that I love. And stop looking for others to fill me up. If I let Jesus fill me up then I will be lacking nothing and there will be no need for expectation.
So I beg you….please hear me. Look deep. Look honestly. Find any expectations (because we all have them) that you have of others around you…your children, your spouse, your parents, your siblings. Throw them out. Make a choice to be the one who thinks differently, acts differently, and loves differently. Be the one. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Right now is the perfect time. Be the one.