The End of This

I’m tired.  I have made other people tired with my emotions.  I am struggling and I have made others struggle.  I am trying to stand on what I know to be the truth, but some days it is difficult to see the forest for the trees.  Do you ever have times where you know God has changed so much about you and then in one fell swoop you just walk right back into what you have always done?  I have a particular issue in my life that I keep doing that with.  I will go months at a time keeping it in check and walking away from the ugliness that clouds my life, but then, when I start getting tired or feeling stress or failing at something, it rises up and takes out everyone in its path…I revert to that young girl who never felt heard or seen and I lose control.  I become so emotional that there is no making it better.  I want to hear the perfect words that will fix it but they never come because I’m starting to realize that they don’t exist.  I put this responsibility of perfection on ones I love and they cannot fulfill the demand.  There is something inside me that needs fixed (don’t we all) but I don’t exactly know what it is.  I know there is always a reason for things but sometimes the water gets so muddy with your own dirt that you can’t see which direction to go.  I guess I am saying this because I really need prayer.  I need to get victory over this thing that I cannot even define yet.  I know that God loves me, even in my weakness.  I feel like I am seeing what this weakness is really doing for the first time and I don’t like it.  My love for my family is so great, but this junk covers it up sometimes and I hate that.  I hate that I am grieving God.  I hate that I am grieving my family.  I want to be better.  I want to love better.  I want to love well.  I want to do what God wants, but somehow I know I cannot come into His fullness while this thing is still within me.  I want to come to the end of this.  I need encounter…

One thought on “The End of This

  1. Father I pray for your supernatural peace to wash over Mitzi Lord, in every area where she is feeling rejection, fear and anxiety. Strengthen her mind that she may overcome all turmoil, confusion, indecision and insecurity.Lord FILL her with YOUR living, breathing , WORD that is TRUTH and God OPEN Mitzi's eyes. The eye's of her spirit and heart to see herself the way YOU see her and to LOVE who you created her to be. I ask that you would draw Mitzi into that place that she knows….that secret place where YOUR WORD imparts the TRUTH that chases away the liar and his schemes. Fill her up Lord with your TRUTH. Wash her with YOUR WORD tonight Lord. Cause her spirit to quickly come into agreement with your Holy Spirit and the TRUTH of WHO SHE IS TO YOU! Your favorite one. Let her see the light of your glory and help her to find that place of regularly sitting at your feet as Mary of Bethany did so that she can be strengthened to desire and maintain a lifestyle that has regular times before you in Your Word. I ask for that Joy unspeakable and full of glory to come bubbling up in Mitzi as she remembers the depths from which you have brought her and the joy you take in her. Bless her and revive her rigt now your name Jesus! Amen!love you Mitz! Kelly

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