Today is Father’s Day. I wasn’t expecting to feel any particular way when I woke up but I do. I feel sad. Sad for my kids. Sad for our family. Broken. Especially for my youngest. She has such a deep ache and longing for her daddy. It’s a terrible thing to have to watch. And I cannot do a thing about it. I pray for her….that God would answer her questions, that someday she will have the answer to “why”. That she will somehow know that it wasn’t her…..that she was more than good enough. That she was perfect. That it wasn’t about her. That her emptiness in this season is not wasted if she chooses that road. You see, it’s not that she needs someone to tuck her in every night anymore or to wake her up for work or school. It’s so much deeper than that. It’s about seeing people with their dads….spending time together. It’s about feeling secure in the fact that there is a man out there that is there for you and loves you no matter what path you choose. It’s about asking for advice about growing up. It’s about measuring every other man in her life against the one who should love her the most. It’s about getting older and feeling sure that she is truly important, truly special. That there is someone who would move heaven and earth to get to her if she needed him to. Words don’t make this real for a child. Only a daddy can do that.
It’s kind of like having a child join the military. They choose it, but you as the family get drafted. My girl got drafted into this circumstance. She had nothing to do with it, yet she is paying a very steep price. She sees herself as an afterthought, as a forgotten one. She looks at her life and abilities and talents and knows that she is really special but actions are telling her that she is replaceable. She needs to be able to be sad, angry, frustrated….to be able to work through these things but there is a void. There is no safety. No security. I can only offer her so much.
I know that God can do anything. That He can come in like a flood for her if she lets Him. I pray every day that she will see His kindness in the middle of her pain. That she will know she is loved even when she feels only hurt. That she will reach out to Him and let Him heal her wounds. That her life will be a testimony of hope for the forgotten. That she will know love like she never imagined. I know it is possible. Because God has done that for me.
I love you sweet Maggie. You are not forgotten. Never give up. If you don’t quit, you win. Run to Him.