Circumstances in my life, at first glance, do not scream of joy and thankfulness. They are hard, ugly, messy. It’s ok though…Aren’t we all a little ugly and messy? We just hide it better at certain times in our life than others. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to live out loud. Whether it’s pain or victory, chaos or peace, I will be real. True. Authentic.
I have had unexplainable peace the last couple of days. It has just permeated me and blanketed my thoughts. There is no answer other than Jesus. My family is struggling, my oldest son is about to deploy to an unknown location; all things that normally paralyze me. But something is different. He is growing me. He is strengthening me. He is expanding my faith.
God is so personal. He is literally sending me something or someone several times a day to point my mind and heart to Him. He is holding me in His arms and I can feel it. It’s a warmth. It’s a calm. It’s a knowing that I don’t have to struggle anymore. I don’t have to strive to “feel better”. I don’t have to fix the problems. All I need to do now is rest. And look to His face. He has it all solved. I may not see it yet, but the solution has already been accomplished, whatever it may be.
So I am grateful. Grateful for a God that is becoming more of a best friend than I ever could have imagined. Grateful that I can let go of control and be okay. Grateful that I am growing. Even grateful for the struggle. I would not have this peace if there was no trial. I would not be growing if there were no problems. There is ugly and messy, but HE MAKES BEAUTIFUL THINGS OUT OF DUST. In that I have joy and thankfulness. In that I have peace.