This last year has been rough. So much turmoil. So much chaos. Feeling like I’m doing absolutely everything wrong as a mom. I’ve been hanging onto Jesus by my fingernails. I haven’t been pursuing Him at all. This is strange for me…to not have the energy to go after Him. But the funny thing is, He held me up and is still holding me up. He’s not mad because I couldn’t pursue Him in the season. He’s not disappointed that I could barely lift my head to look at Him. He loves me. Not human love….that fails. Supernaturally loves me. He knows more about me than I do and still loves me without barriers or reservation. Try to sink your mind into that for a second. NO BARRIERS OR RESERVATION. Stunning!
For the last two years I have been participating in a leadership class at my church. I went into it with so many pre-conceived ideas. I have come out of it with a completely different view of things. I have learned that leadership can sometimes be more about serving than being on the “stage”. It can be quiet and small but it can still impact. It doesn’t have to be about anything “big” to be leadership.
Through all of this, I know that God is moving me into a new season. I just feel different. Maybe it’s just the change of the seasons but there is something around the corner and I don’t think it’s gonna look like what I thought. It never does. I want something different. I want relationship with people, with women who need encouragement. I have had to put so much of that on hold over the last couple of years but I can’t anymore. It is who I am. As my sister keeps reminding me….”Just Say Yes! You never know what door is gonna open!” It’s a little scary but I am listening to her. There is a “Yes” coming and I’m gonna jump right in!