Sometimes I think I share too much…isn’t the unknown sometimes safer? It’s like Tyler going off to boot camp. As scary as it is, you don’t know exactly what to be afraid of so you find that maybe it’s not quite as bad as you’ve imagined. I have thought several times that if I had done what he is doing, I could not have gone forward if I had known what was ahead of me. Sometimes the unknown is not so bad.
But here I sit, wondering if I have given too much of a glimpse into what lies ahead for some people. Have I only talked about the hard parts of it or shown only the pain of it? I have to admit, at the beginning, despite the pride in the choice that he made, there weren’t a lot of warm and fuzzy feelings. It was hard. Really, really hard. But I made it through that part. It went fast. It didn’t last forever.
But what if you are about to say goodbye to what feels like your whole family? What must that be like? I said goodbye to one son. I moved one son into the rest of his life. What if it was all my children? All at the same time? God didn’t ask me to do that. I have someone so dear to me who is facing that. God has asked her to let go of all of her children all at once. They leave home on the same day. They start the journey my son is on all at the same time. Together, with each other. She must say goodbye to them both and send them into the rest of their lives.
I know some of you may say I am being dramatic, but when she came to see me today, I saw it in her eyes. It is there. The fight within her heart to do what is right and let her boys go, to let them grow up, to do what God is asking her to do…to give them back to Him. But her momma’s heart is breaking. It will never be the same and I think she knows it. I know she will do what is best, but this is the part where I wonder if I have said to much, given her a glimpse at the hard part of it, made her see what is so hard to see with clarity that she doesn’t want or need right now, made it harder for her to let go. I talked about the end of boot camp, the end of boot camp, the end of boot camp….then it was over and then something else came…the realization of this new life – that it wouldn’t be over after boot camp – there was still so much more to go through. And now she must walk this road times two…and all at the same time.
Maybe I have shared too much. Maybe I was so focused on what I was going through that I didn’t think of the consequences for someone else, but I know that God gave her to me for a reason. So even if I did share too much, I can now be there for her the way she was for me. I can love her, I can cry with her, and most of all I can pray with her for her boys and for her. I will lift her arms up when she cannot. I will stand when she cannot rise up. Because you see, we have Christ in the middle of us, so whatever the mistakes or wrong steps, He can make it all work for good. This I believe. I love you Patrice.