I had lunch with a very, very dear friend of mine the other day. She is one of those people who just knows how to ask the right questions and for years she has been my sounding board. She doesn’t give me answers, she asks those kind of questions that lead me to the answer for myself. This is an amazing gift. I have lived enough life with her that when I sit down to talk, the picture of where God has brought me from is so very, very evident. His faithfulness to me is overwhelming. And as I sit here writing this, I am reminded that without HIM I would not be alive, literally alive. I would have drowned in my depression and loneliness. I would have choked on the bitterness that consumed my heart. My choice not to forgive was truly like drinking poison and I would have perished.
Somewhere along the line, I cried out and He answered me. HE chose to show me Himself. I wish I could describe to you what that was like. He suddenly was made so real to me, as if He was standing in front of me and I could touch Him, look in His eyes, gaze upon His face. I know this may sound strange to some of you but God gave us an imagination for a reason. Did He not put it within us so we could experience Him? He tells us to Seek His Face right? So try it. I remember the first time I asked Him to show me what He looked like. I didn’t have to beg or plead or convince Him to do it. I asked and He showed me.
I am finding such great comfort in Him on this road I am walking. There have been times in my life where I have chosen to fight His comfort. I think that in those times I thought maybe I didn’t deserve it or didn’t know how to receive it, but that is not what His love is about. None of us deserves anything good, but He created me to love Him and have a relationship with Him. He loves me despite my darkness, so I choose to run to Him and let Him be strong for me when I cannot. I know this journey I am on has many more twists and turns, and I don’t know what it will all look like but I choose to look at the face of Jesus. I choose to let go of my own ideas and grab onto His. I have failed myself over and over again…He has NEVER failed me. This is who I choose.