It’s really funny how new circumstances in life make you think about things that have never entered your mind before. I am an emotional person and I tend to feel things on a really intense level. I also know that I can tend to be a bit dramatic, but I was sitting in church this morning listening to Jason speak about heaven and something struck me….and it has been confirmed even more as this day has progressed. Let me start with a memory of something he said many months ago. I don’t remember it exactly, but it was something like this. In the process of his wife dealing with cancer, God was asking him if he would choose anger or choose Jesus if the Lord chose to take her home…if she died. I remember feeling so affected by that…wondering if I could choose the path of life in the middle of such extraordinary pain. So while my situation is not even remotely the same, that challenge struck me this morning. And here is why. As I have already written, my son is now a Marine. He is in a very dangerous profession now. My friends and I have talked many times about how God has given us these kids to raise but ultimately they are HIS. Do I really believe what I have said? If it were me, would I be able to do what Jason did? Would I be able to let Tyler go and let God do with him as He chose before he was even in my womb? And not even in the case of death…can I let go of Tyler and rest in the fact that he is in the palm of God’s hand….in everything he does and everywhere he goes?
I know some of you may be thinking that I am getting way ahead of myself, and maybe I am, but sometimes God asks us to make choices about how we will do things long before we are ever faced with the need to make the decision. And sometimes He just wants to know if we mean what we say because He wants to take us to a deeper level with Him.
When I got home from church, I learned that a new marine from platoon 3207 lost his mother and sister in a tragic car crash just last night. He was set to graduate with Tyler…they are in the same company, but different platoons. There were many boys in that platoon that did not get one phone call home in all their time away. I pray that he was not one of them. I pray that he was able to talk to his mom and have the precious memory of her voice, her love, her excitement for his accomplishment. I desperately hope that his lost loved ones knew Jesus and are now experiencing the Heaven that we imagine, that Jeff has an intimate knowledge of who Jesus is so that he may know the comfort of His love in his deepest of pain. That he clings to the Truth…that Jesus loves him with everything He has and is with him all the way through this. He will be graduating early and coming home tomorrow to be with his family. Please pray for him and his family.
So while I may tend to move in the emotional and dramatic, I just feel that I feel that God is asking me to make a choice…and not just with Tyler, but with ALL of my family. No matter what circumstances arise, am I willing to let go of my hold on these precious people in my life so that the Glory of God may be seen? Do I choose life by choosing to fall into Him instead of growing angry and bitter over questions that may never be answered? I know I will never stop asking the questions, it’s just how I’m built, but will I choose to be okay if all is silent? Will I just be still and let God take me to a deeper level with Him. I’m making my choice now. Above all else, I want Jesus and I choose life.